Going against the tide of public opinion is yet another secret which will open your mind and clear your sinuses. Before you believe the government, the media, the church, or your parents, perhaps you should watch this. Another example of Level 4 SuperOptimism in action.
Here’s what the folks who read about 1.3 million books a year said about the recently published SECRETS OF THE SUPEROPTIMIST:
“This volume could become the self-help of choice for people who don’t read self-help. This quirky, unique primer, categorized on its back cover as “Psychology/ Philosophy/ Great Reli
Wow. That’s really nice of them. Would you perhaps now want to purchase one? Click here to be whisked to Vitally Important Books for complete peace of mind, yours in a matter of days for only $12.95 plus shipping.
SECRETS OF THE SUPEROPTIMIST is also available through our friends at Small Press Distribution and Last Gasp. And yes, Amazon, although they really screw the indie but good! That’s why we refer to pain as “sensation”!
Lots of people think: “Oh, I screwed up.” Or “Gosh, that was the wrong thing to do.” Or “Gee, why on earth did I marry this bum?” But the SuperOptimist knows that any decision you make is a good decision for you — even the “bad” ones. All decisions lead you to increased self-knowledge, and tragic decisions can lead you there faster if you are will to learn from them. Every bad ending is a good beginning to something else, as well as a reminder to “never try that again.” This secret has some powerful mojo to it. Give it a try!
At the recent International Council of Superoptimists meeting which took place over the last weekend in
“I can handle it!”
The slogan “I can handle it!” is exactly the kind of thing Superoptimists like to hear in the event of:
1. car crash
2. hostile divorce
3. nuclear incident
4. spoiled milk
5. dog mess on rug
6. avian flu
7. tooth pain
8. flab
9. terrorist incursions
10. stinky kitty box
11. bad political leadership
12. another meeting at work
13. laundry problems
14. venereal warts
15. parking ticket
16. computer virus
17. impulse control problem
18. ____ (insert your day here).
Being reminded of a wonderful uplifting song can instantly raise your serotonin levels to a brimming cupful. Come on, follow the bouncing SuperOptimist:
Zip a dee doo dah, Zip a dee ay,
My, on my, what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine, headin’ my way,
Zip a dee doo dah, Zip a dee ay,
Mister bluebird on my shoulder,
It’s the truth, it’s natural
Everything is satisfactull,
Zip a dee doo dah, Zip a dee ay,
Wonderful feeling, Wonderful day!
Granted, this ditty comes from the Disney film “Song of the South”, a movie that has been labeled “racist” and “backwards leaning” by those offended by its depiction of Uncle Remus as a slave on the plantation. But that may be a half-empty view of the situation. Disney defends “Song of the South” by saying Uncle Remus could leave the plantation freely, any time he wanted. The same as any of us can leave our jobs in the corporate slave trade, if we are willing to forgo a weekly check and not mind the stigma of having “time on our hands” instead of constantly checking our Personal Digital Assistants for important emails, game updates, and ring tone downloads.
So here’s hoping you have a bluebird on your shoulder, instead of a Blackberry in your pocket.
by Zack Stefanatawitz
There are only 2 stories in the entire universe, according to a very astute person whose name escapes me. David vs. Goliath, and The Odd Couple. And let’s face it, they’ve been done to death. And they’ll continue to be done, until the earth is destroyed by a cataclysmic event, which will be the ultimate David vs. Goliath Story. Only this time, it’s not fiction. And Goliath wins!
So sit back, relax, and let the knowledge that everything’s been done give you a nice, comfortable easy chair of a feeling. Why, even the Ipod is just a Walkman with semiconductors, and the Walkman was just a portable Harmon Kardon stereo with headphones, and the stereo came from mono, and mono came from 78s, and 78s came from Thomas
While some writers, artists, inventors, craftsman, and winos get blocked from doing their work with the “It’s all been done before” moan, the opposite tact is a better one for your spirit and consciousness to take. “It’s all been done before, therefore I don’t have all the pressure on me” is the SuperOptimist way to look at it. “It’s all been done before, therefore I’ll just artfully pre-select what’s been done, reorder and reshape it, and then call it my own” is another. This was the favorite of William Burroughs, author of “Naked Lunch”, who came right out and said he clipped words, sentences and paragraphs from other books, then pasted them together to form a new work of art. He was just cutting to the chase so he could spend more time on his true avocation, which was being a junkie.
So tap into the Doneness of the Universe, and see where it leads you. David and Goliath? Or the Odd Couple? What about “The Odd Couple Meet David and Goliath”? See? You’re already on your way to SuperSuccess with that kind of thinking!
by Amin Ankhorne
I woke up feeling fabulous today!
The reason I make mention of this fact, is that yesterday I felt like ca-ca. Anxious, down, depressed. Existential quandries about the whys and wherefores, low energy, slight headache, shoulders tense, uncomfortable in my own skin, jealous of everyone on The Insider with Pat O’Brien. You know, the works.
Then today, I’ve bounced out of bed feeling spry and full of life. What do the French call it? Joie de vivre! I have plenty of that, and pass the moutarde, mon frere. Even my coffee has a crisp bite to it this morning. Yesterday it tasted like the coating on my tongue tastes before brushing my teeth.
I was about to spend the morning trying to figure out why yesterday blew donkey doughnuts and today the sun is shining (not literally – thunderstorms are predicted – but on the inside, where it counts).
And then I remembered my SuperOptimist training. Why look backwards and question, when I can look forwards and enjoy the breeze at my back?
Good days, bad days. At least we have these days, before the Big One (or several small ones) come to claim us.
yippee yi kiyaaa, fellow SuperOptimists. Maybe I’ll even get a haircut, I feel so tremendous.
By Brian Beatty
Because a lot has changed since Jesus first said, “Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and you’ve fed him for a lifetime,” I always say, “Give a panhandler standing by the interstate onramp holding a sign five dollars, you’ve helped him get high on drugs for an afternoon. But pay that panhandler five dollars for the sign he’s holding, and you’ve helped him on his way to a lucrative new career making signs. Because if there’s one thing this world desperately needs, it’s more expert sign makers.
Do you watch TV? Folks are always looking for some kind of sign. Especially Americans! With the regular income that’s sure to start pouring in when he begins supplying this constant consumer demand, your new sign maker buddy will be able to afford much better drugs—any time he feels like getting fucked up. That should make the pending end times (the ones his first sign predicted) a little less stressful for the poor guy. Once he’s able to get his hands on decent weed for a change, he might even quit all that scary, scatalogical shouting!”
It’s a mouthful, maybe. But it’s also the truth, friend.
by Rolf Denenborsch
As a former day laborer in the corporate world, I’ve recently decided to pursue a SuperOptimistic outlook. In my case, this has necessitated removing myself from active employment in order to pursue the calling of the fiction writer. You may say this is a foolhardy quest for a person of my age, height, and temperament, and I would not argue the point. But rereading Thoreau in the midst of another hand-wringing crisis over a TV spot for flavored mouthwash pushed me to take drastic action – or suffer the consequences of committing manslaughter on a chino-slacked middle manager from Unilever.
Needless to say, jumping out of the proverbial “frying pan” has been extremely liberating – but has necessitated some major revisions in terms of my spending habits. Goodbye, venti skim mochachino! So long, impulse purchase of new AudioSlave album! Farewell, middle of the week dinner at pricey Memphis-style smokehouse! In fact, to make the transition from a 6 figure salary, benefits, and health insurance to an income-free existence, these are just baby steps. For a real money saver, I’m planning to spend a lot of time in my car.
Certainly one of the main considerations is fiduciary. It is quite a shock to go from automatic deposits which cover the family’s expenses (did I mention I have a wife and child?) to having no income whatsoever. But the real kick in the pants is realizing I no longer have an office, which was thrown in for free! Given these realities, using the car that I already lease from the Honda Motor Corporation makes sense. Indeed, by not paying extra money out of pocket for an office, I will stretch my savings even farther, and be able to devote even more precious time to The Novel Which Thus Far Has No Name.
In case I sound too practical about this, there’s another rationale for transitioning to the AutoOffice (could this already be trademarked? Must look into it) that goes beyond mere dollars and sense. After living inside a corporate cubicle staring at the same beige room dividers for years, I’d like to have a view. Not of an air shaft, or another building, or the back of an account executive’s Louisiana Purchase-shaped head. But a real view with the works: trees, sky, vista, and why not throw in some water on top of that. And while I’m at it, why does it have to be the same view every day? Why not a moveable view, so to speak? What do they call it at Ikea? Modular. That’s it. I’d like an office with a modular view. A car provides for that. And don’t forget lots of light. No harsh tungsten bulbs for me. Only Vitamin D rich solar shine directly from the planet of fire (except when it’s really hot, and then I’ll park in the shade).
Additionally, I take comfort in the fact that people such as Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady spent lots of time writing in their cars. Look how much they got accomplished. Well, Kerouac did anyway. And Hunter Thompson? “Fear and Loathing in
Thus, I’ve retreated to the one place I know I can find solace: the front seat of my 2002 Honda Element. The Element, as I am to understand, was designed to appeal to the demographic of teenagers and college students who like to go surfing and camping and occasionally sleep off a keg party in the back of their vehicles. Instead, the main purchasers of the Element are middle-aged baby boomers who wish they could go surfing or camping, but instead just drive it to the Stop and Shop and back.
There are some nifty features built into the Element that make it a very smart choice for the office of the working fiction writer. It’s sort of boxy inside, which gives you aa office-like feeling. The back seats fold all the way back for naps, or fold up altogether, in case you need the room for books, personal papers, or additional office furniture. But I’m not trying to sell you on an Element here (note to self: in case this fiction writing thing doesn’t work out, see if local Honda dealership needs help). Any car will do, so long as your limbs are not constricted and blood is able to flow freely to the legs and feet. Although we would never recommend purchasing an SUV given today’s gas prices and oil issues.
Once you’ve chosen the vehicle that will be your workplace, it’s time to outfit it with the essentials. I’ve taken the liberty of listing what I’ve put into my car, but feel free to add or subtract based on your needs, amount of cargo space, etc.
Sharpie – Big fat black pen to write large notes or signs on cardboard kept in the trunk. Pre-made signs like “I’m a writer who’s out of ideas and could use someone to talk to” can be stored for future use. Better to have them handy, than try to write one when you’re blocked.
Radio – Do you need satellite radio? Of course you do! And all 500 stations. I’d advise installing both XM and Sirius; you never know which will have the song that will spark your fevered imagination.
That day’s newspaper – Only in times of dire emergency do you want tot pick up the paper, however. Once opened, it can prevent you from accomplishing anything except comparing yourself to every successful person who doesn’t mind sitting in a cubicle for the rest of their lives in obeyance to the system which you’ve abandoned in favor of…sitting in your car.
No spare tire – Whatever you do, do not – repeat, do not – have a spare tire anywhere near your vehicle. Pain is good for a writer, and there’s no pain like that of blowing your left rear on the expressway at 2 a.m. Fear, also a useful tool in the writer’s arsenal, will be called upon when no one stops to assist you despite your blinking hazard lights.
All purpose “journal” – For “journaling” at those moments when you’re not officially “writing”.
Napsack – or rucksack, briefcase, grocery bag. Something to carry writing tools in during short hikes to coffee bars, bookstores, or park benches when the mood strikes.
Clock – optional.
Peanut butter, bread, gallon jug of water (distilled) – To sustain you when you’re “on fire” with an idea and don’t have time to stop for lunch. Or don’t have money for lunch. Either one.
At least 3 books – one fiction, one nonfiction, one spiritual. Also, a Strunk and White Elements of Style to prop up loose alternator.
CDs – See: radio. For space considerations, the fewer the better. Recommended: Boxed sets of Velvet Underground, Stax Volt, and Greatest Speeches of the 20th Century.
Umbrella – for the sun, not the rain. Writers love rain.
Case of Bottled Water (24 count) – Purchased from Costco, this could run you as little as $5.00.
Blanket and Pillow – preferably quilted, hypoallergenic.
Toiletries – disposable razor, toothbrush, hair gel, and q-tips.
Towel and Gym Membership card – for when you need a shower. And you’re closer to the gym than home. Maybe you want to work out too. That’s your business.
Gas-powered generator – Don’t want to run the battery down, now do ya? This is for cell phone recharge, laptops, and TV. You’re going to need power and plenty of it, unless you’re an electrical engineer and can jerry-rig a telephone pole to siphon off free juice. A McCulloch Generator — 11 HP, 5000 Watt, Model# FG5700 is as good as it gets. Features a 5 gallon fuel tank, so be sparing. Alternatives: solar panels, portable windmill.
While I sort out exactly how many years I will be able to pursue my folly before being hauled to debtor’s court, I remain practical-minded over apportioning my savings for the duration of writing the novel, which I’ve been advised by veterans in the field will take me at least two years, if ever, to complete. I sit in my car, writing this, knowing that at least I’ve bought a few extra months by not renting that studio above the podiatrist’s office for $650 a month.
“Self Esteem and How to be Happy with Yourself ” by Bruno Sontag
Are you happy with yourself – with who you are and what you are doing? If you want high self esteem this is potentially important. Here’s what you need to be happy with yourself:
a) Don’t compete with others. Life is not a race. Set your own standards and try to reach them, don’t be scared to fail and accept your own limitations. Competing with others will drain you and will take away your self esteem because there will always be someone that looks better than you on paper. Decide on your path and stick to it.
b) Understand yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses. This simple trick removes most weaknesses. Use your skills and do your best. You will find satisfaction when you are doing what you are good at and when you avoid your weaknesses. Chances are you will also be more successful this way. Try to improve yourself but don’t waste effort and time on those things which are not for you. Accept your best as far better than good enough.
c) Focus on your achievements no matter how small. Try to achieve more but don’t tire yourself out on things which don’t truly matter to you. Focus on what is really important for you. When you know what you want to achieve then set goals (small steps) and reward yourself when you achieve each step. Nobody gets there in one giant leap—it takes time and effort to achieve anything worth while, or even to lose a few pounds around the mid-section.
d) Always try your best and you will be happy with yourself. This is a test you administer and score. A+ easy!
e) Be happy with your life as it is! Look for the things that are right and take satisfaction in those. Be thankful for all the good things you have. Try to improve your life—yes—but be realistic about where you are and where you want to go. A big house in Bevery Hills can be a real pain, trust me.
f) You can’t do it all. Don’t try to. The best you can do is to use your skills and abilities as best you can and trust that everything will work out. Life is very, very short and we have to choose what we can achieve and how we want to live. Choose wisely but have faith in anything you believe in.
g) If you have faith use it. Faith in God or other spiritual beings, (i.e. elves, fairies, unicorns) is very helpful to many of us. Always hold on to your beliefs and values and don’t betray them or you will hurt inside during the middle of the night.
h) Finally enjoy your life for the gift it is. Experience and give love. Don’t drive yourself so hard you no longer enjoy life or see the goal you set yourself. First think about your health and allow yourself time to reflect and quiet down each day. Tai Chi is a good way to relax.
I hope you enjoyed this brief article – Bruno Sontag, SuperOptimist, level IV,